Why are you leaving? What did I do?

This post is not what you think it is. This is about young people learning to cope with a mentor/educator moving on. Yes, every year this happens and it's expected, it's what happens when you grow up. Different grade, different teacher, or even different school. Normal life events as a child.

It doesn't matter if the child was in a day care, after school program or private home. Growing up and moving on is a part of life and everyone experiences it, everyone. You get used to saying good-bye to your favourite teacher and sometimes can't wait to move on because they weren't your favourite teacher. Yeah! Hopefully the next year is better. Maybe this year you'll be with your best friend, be challenged, learn and have fun wherever you are. Great.

What if you aren't the one moving on? What if you're still in your class/group and your teacher announces they are leaving. Or worse, there's no announcement and one day your favourite teacher is...gone? No explanation. No "Good-bye". No "I'm moving to another town/job/won the lottery/following my dreams", etc. What then?

Does it matter? People move on all the time. Kids have to learn this is life and stuff happens. You'll be fine, don't worry. Your new teacher is really nice/fun/smart/kind... Life's tough, you'll have to get used to things happening you don't like.

Well, yes, it does matter. Children matter. Feelings matter. If you find it hard to relate, stop and ask yourself "How would I feel?" or maybe you experienced this yourself? How did you feel? Someone in your life you looked up to, an educator, dropped out of your life without warning, or maybe with notice? Perhaps you were told it's a part of life, get over it? Or these things happen? You may not have been able to express yourself. Whatever your story, having someone leave doesn't feel good. Know that the loss of life isn't the same. Losing someone can be discussed at a later date.

I recently left a position with school-age children and it was incredibly difficult. For reasons I won't divulge, the time had come for me to leave. The difficulty lay in the fact that only months prior, these children experienced their mentor up and leaving. One day he was there, the next he wasn't and he never returned. No notice, no warning, no "Good-bye". These school-agers were devastated. They felt it was their fault because they were loud/not listening...We had numerous conversations, our usual group of 30, where they expressed their sadness, confusion and inability to understand what happened. And there is no understanding. What happened was wrong and the children knew that.

My assurance that I was staying was also followed by: unless I win the lottery, become the next best seller, move, become ill or my business does really well, I'm not going anywhere.

When a mentor leaves it's up to the remaining educators to reassure the children that they aren't going anywhere, unless of course they are. Being honest, watching what you say and how you say it based on age, is vital. Kids are smart. They know. They know when something isn't right. They know when adults are keeping things from them. They know when someone isn't happy. Long gone are the days when children were seen and not heard. Now, they have a voice and they matter too.

Honesty is always the best way to handle any situation, again, based on age. Limiting your explanation for the younger audience, keeping your answers short and to the point, is advised.

Announcing my leave was difficult. There were gasps, hands to mouths, tears by most, shocked looks on faces and blank stares. And there was also: Did you win the lottery? Haha, I wish. They were told I needed to work on my books, my business. Being honest months prior helped them to understand my decision. And they knew how hard a decision it was, they saw my face.

This is the right way to leave. Give them notice. Explain as much as you are able.

Do your best to make sure they are ok and answer any questions, help them through the transition, help them deal with their emotions. Reassure them that they have nothing to do with the decision because even if you feel working with children is not your career path, it's not because of the children you are leaving. It is because you have become aware of what does and doesn't make you happy. Own your decision and make it yours, not one that was forced upon you as no one can make you do anything you don't want to do.

Bottom line: be honest. Never abandon your students, for any reason. They deserve an explanation. They are people too. And they matter.

We are all Mother Nature's Heroes, all deserving of life, together.